Delhi Protests - When Chickens Run To The Media

What do the protesters in Delhi over the Gang-rape incident want? Almost everybody wants death penalty for rapists. The only thing that doesn’t seem to fit is why they are protesting at Rashtrapati Bhawan. After all, the president doesn’t make laws, he just signs them. The previous president probably made the current one a victim by pardoning some brutal murderers and rapists. Grievance, whether real or imaginary, affects all of us. The protests were long overdue and it’s quite a surprise that none in the media ever mentioned the amazing “resilience” of Delhizens to so much crime all these years.

In times of crises leaders speak with people. They deliver reassurance and confidence to them. They can feel the pulse of the people. Instead, what were our folks from GOI doing? They were all talking to the media. Well, the one thing we did get to know is how many daughters some of our politicians have. Everyone who spoke in the media made sure they told us “I have 3 daughters, I have 2 daughters” and so on. Home Minister Sushil Shinde even told us the Delhi Police Commissioner has 2 daughters. They are checking with everyone on how many daughters they have before speaking to the media. Why should I be left behind? I checked with everyone I could chat with about how many daughters they had. Next time there’s a murder we may have to check how many murderers some politicians have. Oh don’t laugh, that’s not a joke. If you see this clip from MailOnline you will see why politicians are hesitant to talk to people. Over 200 people with rape cases contested elections it seems. Other reports mention at least 2 MPs and 6 MLAs from various states who have rape cases against them. This doesn’t include “petty” crimes like murder, kidnap or assault.

There is no harm in a statement or two to the media through a presser. But let’s do a roll-call of the sound-biters. We had RPN Singh, Manish Tiwari, Sandeep Diskhit, Ashwini Kumar, Sushma Swaraj, Sushil Shinde, Renuka Chaudhary (She spoke in Telugu too for added emotional effect). Then we had Sheila Dikshit using all TV channels as a weeping pillow. Er… that is all channels, but TimesNow. I’m sure she will face the full fury of Fastcourt Arnab sooner or later. Then, moment of the crises arrived, when Sonia Gandhi finally got down on her knees to speak with some protesters. Only, nobody knows who she spoke with. Naturally, some suspect these so-called protesters were hand-picked NSUI (Congress supported union) members chaperoned by RenukaC and others for a special audience with SoniaG. Take a look:

Who are these people? First, on Saturday night (Dec.22) SoniaG meets a few kids outside 10JP and then the next morning she meets six of them. TOI-Delhi headlined the story as “Delhi gang rape: Unknown six meet Sonia, Rahul for justice”. Unknown six is fine to begin with but even after a day they are still the ‘secret six’. This govt has a funny way of meeting people. I remember last year Manmohan Singh met the “secret five” editors in a closed-door, private meet. The TOI report further comically adds the response of the six:

They (Sonia, Rahul) have assured us that certain sections of law like 201 and 307 will be added to rape cases so that the accused are severely punished. They also told us that the law and order situation in the city will be improved so that women feel safe," said one of them. Renuka Chowdhury said that the same group of protesters was seen outside 10 Janpath on Saturday night when Sonia came out to meet them around 11pm. "Sonia had asked them to come and meet her this morning. None of the protesters knew each other and they all have different backgrounds," said Chowdhury. Another protester said, "Rahul said while it is natural for us to be emotional, we should not be irrational. They have also told us that capital punishment is being considered for this case and it is being slotted under the 'rarest of rare' category. We are now appealing to all protesters to maintain calm and continue protests non-violently.

What exactly is the need for RenukaC’s clarification on the ‘mix’ of protesters? And the clincher, of course, is from our fearless national leader, Rahul Gandhi. He is reported to have said: “capital punishment is being considered for this case”. Really? So the ‘game-changer’ with politics in his pants and shirts is going to have a law for “this particular case” or is he now Justice Gandhi? If RahulG advises protesters not to be “irrational” as the TOI report mentions then he should first start with himself. But well, that is too much to ask. Even so, if this was indeed the thinking of the Congress heads then what was the idea behind excessive police force, water cannons, lathi charges, beating up innocent protesters, injuring journalists? Doesn’t make sense! It doesn’t make sense because like some media “lumpens” the Congis were busy making absurd statements in the media.

Did I say lumpens? Hmm! The protests had started off peacefully but by the third day headlines started changing. All the media channels were now flashing “protests turn violent”. Frankly, none of the protesters, aged 5 to 91, looked like violent types. So the specialists came in to fulfil the prophecy of a known media charlatan. These were the nice guys who came far more prepared with stones, sticks and inflammables. There are many who suspect these sponsored “lumpens” were from the NSUI and word got around on Twitter and Facebook too. The picture of violence does not seem to be from students, men and women who started the protests. There were women of all ages, even some over 70. Many claimed to be house-wives or working mothers with daughters. So who sponsored the violence? There’s only party that can gain from disrupting the protests and that is not hard to guess. So while the sponsored violence happened on the ground the ministers continued to float on the air. Home minister Sushil Shinde was everywhere.

Shinde said he met protesters on a Sunday. On Sabbath? He’s lucky some Jewish Rabbi didn’t hear that.  He asked if 100 Adivasis were killed in Gadichiroli should the govt rush there. No sir, definitely not; the GOI should go to Kudankulam, there’s no Congress govt there. Then he warned that if the govt met students today they’d have to meet Maoists tomorrow. Come on! That’s not true. The govt does meet Maoists whenever they kidnap people and hold hostages. I wonder if Shinde was secretly suggesting students too should start holding hostages. This guy would have made a great VP for George W. Bush. “We failed in Afghanistan. So what? Let’s go bomb Iraq”! In defence of Shinde I must mention that he is not a complicated man but making some genuine points but with some bad analogies. His act followed the wailing Sheila Dikshit who wetted our screens through CNN-IBN and NDTV. It’s unfortunate SheilaD is in politics. She could have been a great replacement for the late Meena Kumari, the tragedy queen. She told everyone how helpless she was and how she had no guts to even go and meet the rape victim. These are the Ministers people elect and then complain.

So when Shinde and Sheila failed to conquer through the media, the Congress pulled out its most powerful WMD; Weapon of Mass Delusion. They sent Prime Minister Manmohan Singh. I doubt anyone, other than media stenographers, even remembers what MMS mumbled in the few minutes that he read from a POP (Piece of paper). But to his credit MMS did leave the whole nation in good cheer and stomach-cramping laughter as he looked up from his POP at the end of his mumbling and asked “Theek Hai?” (Is it okay?). Debates are still on over FB and on Twitter as to who MMS was asking that question to. Some say the cameraman, some say SoniaG, some say Barkha Dutt, who desperately yearned for his speech. I even thought he was asking the national guest for the day, Vladimir Putin.

It amazes me that seasoned politicians don’t learn that media is made up of scavengers who live off bad situations and victims. Manish Tiwari’s I&B Ministry even sent a threatening advisory to curb the media showing ugly pictures and reports (read Google-translated version on Bhadas4Media). They say politics is the last resort for a scoundrel. They forgot to add that for headless chickens who have lost touch with people the first and last resort is a corrupt media. Instead of talking with people they were doing photo-ops and interviews in the media. Imagine how they are going to handle law and order.

Delhi Protests - Lumpens In The Media

A few top guys in an office on the sixth floor of a semi-govt company used to work late often. This was at Nariman Point in Mumbai. So these 4-5 guys use to dip their hands in the office petty cash and order beer. The peon used to go and get the stuff for them. It was a regular practice and was on for years. The vouchers were made with fake bills and the auditors never found anything wrong or unusual in the expenses. This went on for 7 years till a junior auditor came along and found some vouchers with unfair expenses. The peon regularly claimed taxi fare to and from the company’s bank for daily transactions. On seeking a clarification from the manager, the auditor got the reply that there are no autos around Nariman Point and buses take a long time so it was fair for the peon to take a taxi every day. The junior auditor said “no, no, I’m asking why is he claiming taxi fare and why does he need a taxi”. The irritated manager again explained the difficult situation around Nariman Point with commuting. The auditor then told him: “But sir, your office is on the 6th floor and your bank is on the ground floor, so why a taxi at all”? Oops!  

If the management guys are looting the company then they have to take care of the little guy. They have to allow the peon his little share of looting. That’s a reasonably good value system, isn’t it? Be fair in looting! It’s a value system that govts share with the media too. The govt is the big guy and some channels are like the peons. So if the govt is into misdeeds then it allows some news channels to have their share of misdeeds and corruption. These news channels are the peons of the management in the govt. It is rare for the little guy to expose the misdeeds of the boss. That driver screwing his boss with a video of his sexcapades is an oddity. The guy was an unusual lousy boss who didn’t pay well for his secrets. But not the govt peons from the media, they’re paid well. They are paid well not only to keep secrets but also to defend the govt no matter what. The story in the first para is neither a joke nor fake. It’s time to take a detour.  

On December 22 people of Delhi were out on the streets protesting the brutal gang-rape and assault of a 23-year old woman on a bus. Thousands were out at India Gate and up the path to Rashtrapati Bhawan in protest. Their outrage was justified and the protests seemed spontaneous. Delhi-ites are sick to the bone with crimes, especially rape and assaults on women. Yet someone in the media could only hear of “drunken lumpens” among the protesters. You know, like lumpens who rape and assault women on buses and throw them on to the streets to die. The police had to lathi charge some of these lumpens. Yeah, why not! Take a look at the two pics below:

One is of a gentleman using a lathi and destroying the AmarJawan memorial in Mumbai during the Azad Maidan protests in August 2012. The police were kind to the civilised protesters at Azad Maidan then. The second pic is that of a lumpen element being lathi-charged by a policeman. You can take one look and tell that the lady being beaten up is drunk. Can’t you? Well, many such “drunken lumpens” had infiltrated the protesting crowds in Delhi so naturally Barkha Dutt was very disturbed. She went on a tweet-spree about these lumpens.

Barkha got feedback from her reporter that drunken lumpens had infiltrated the crowds and was naturally keen to let her friends know about the dangers. She first tweets quite pragmatically. Then she tweets to another friend called Prasanto. Both Barkha and Prasanto are “rabid mutual ass-lickers”. Don’t ask but I can tell these things. So it is safe to assume that the guy at Azad Maidan is a nice gentleman because he is “secular” and the lady being beaten up by the policeman is probably a drunken lumpen. In any metro city it is quite likely there are always certain lumpen elements hanging around in some corner, lurking for the moment and their prey. They can be on the streets, on trains and buses and even in media studios. So why is it so shocking for Barkha? No, wait! First, outside Safdurjang hospital it’s only drunken lumpens and no protesters. Dangerous, isn’t it? But on second thoughts, in the next tweet, she makes concessions: “some of the crowds” are lumpens, not all.  

Chaprasis have to often defend their bosses at all times. They may have various incentives to do so. If necessary, they can create suspicion, spread alarming falsehoods and even outright lies. It comes with the job. You try and point a finger at their boss and you will find yourself painted as the most uncouth, uncivilised character that possibly could be. Sometimes it can be mere loyalty. Let’s move on.

So the friend tweets and asks Barkha “how will social and physical disorder in public spaces achieve public order”? Good question! And Barkha instantly agrees. “Exactly” she says, like she was making the same point. Considering drunken lumpens had infiltrated the crowds the danger of some impending disaster was palpable. The protest was for security of women, to prevent crimes against women and it would be a tragedy if some crime were to happen during the protest itself. Wouldn’t it? I guess, they should have first consulted Barkha and her cronies on what would be the best way to protest. After all, Barkha does have experience of being in the midst of protests and reporting, doesn’t she? No, no, not from Jantar Mantar or India Gate but from another place. It’s called Tahrir Square and it’s in ancient Egypt. These people should have learned from Barkha about “secular” protests and how to treat women and stuff.

In February 2011 Barkha tweeted and dismissed fears about the Muslim Brotherhood, the radical Islamic group, taking over Egypt. Barkha and her Fiberals were convinced Egypt was turning into a liberal democracy. But that’s hardly the point, eh? The point is about those loverly protesters at Tahrir Square. “Woh Tahrir waale kahan aur yeh India Gate waale kahan”. No comparison at all. Tahrir wins hands down. You see, at Tahrir the young people cut across all class types. Oh, not to forget, they were “secular”. Which in the words of our Fiberals means they are cultured and well-behaved, unlike the uncivilised lumpens at India Gate or Safdurjang who deserved to be lathi-charged and water-cannoned by the police. Egypt, as an Islamic majority nation, frequently targets Coptic Christians for violence, burns their churches and is now turning into more of an Islamic state than it ever was before. But to Barkha, they are “secular” and there were apparently no lumpen elements in all the crowds she met. Is that really true? And despite the massive presence of Army at Tahrir who didn’t assault the crowds, our police with their water-cannons and lathis were far more civilised. Right?  

We had our drunken lumpens in the bus who raped and have nearly murdered a woman. Lara Logan of CBS, a woman who belongs to Barkha’s professional community, had a very different experience though. On February 11, around the same period Barkha was in Egypt, Logan was attacked by Barkha’s “secular” crowds at Tahrir. She was assaulted and molested. In Logan’s own words:  "For an extended period of time, they raped me with their hands. My clothes were torn to pieces...what really struck me was how merciless they were. They really enjoyed my pain and suffering. It incited them to more violence”. Writing anymore on this incident would be too graphic. But hey, they weren’t drunken lumpens like the ones at Safdurjang or India Gate and they were “secular”. Of all the Tahrir Square reports, I’m not sure I’ve read one from Barkha about Lara Logan.

Someone mentioned the term ‘MacaulayPutras’ to describe the elites. The Delhi protests brought out the contempt that one such MacaulayPutri, Barkha Dutt, holds for ordinary people when they are up against the govt she serves through her channel. Oh yes, if the govt is the boss it is fair to call NDTV the Chaprasi. The Chaprasi that will speak for, twist and spin issues on behalf of the govt. Not surprisingly, the only ones seeing lumpens are from NDTV as Maya Mirchandani tweeted. And the guy the channel was speaking to when the lathi-charge and water-cannons fired? Of course, MoS for Home, the Honourable RPN Singh! Yes, the same guy who kicked people on November 14, 2011 when RahulG started his UP campaign at Phulpur. In any other democracy RPN would have been in jail but he’s a minister in the Congress govt and, of course, Barkha is a Padma Shri.

Even a foreign journalist, Andrew Buncombe didn’t miss it. Vishnu Som, who was on the ground and reporting, perhaps suggested the ‘protesters have lost the plot’. Like most ordinary people even Buncombe didn’t miss the disgusting moronery of NDTV. He tweeted to call NDTV govt spokies. He is being kind. I have called them for what they are; peons. On December 22, the real drunken lumpens weren’t on the streets; they were in the studios of NDTV and in the heads of their propagandists, led by their chief-propagandist. 

NaMo's Victory - Media's Amazing Disgrace

No matter how good the map of a place and how good a map-reader one is, it’s not the same as being there. This is worse if you have the wrong map or a subjective map. What would you expect of me if I told you I am travelling to Rajasthan but only had the map of a spot in Ajmer? What would you expect of me if I told you I am travelling to Karnataka but only had the map of Cottonpet in Bangalore? Yeah, you’re right! I would probably describe Rajasthan a place full of Dargahs which Ajmer is famous for and Karnataka a place full of Muslim ghettos which Cottonpet is. So when Barkha Dutt travelled to Gujarat all she had was a map of Juhapura in Ahmedabad. Sagarika Ghose travelled to Gujarat too but all she had in her map of the ‘golden corridor’ from Ahmedabad to Surat were Muslim localities. So their stories had nothing but Muslims and their supposed sufferings. Their stories were not about Gujarat. As Stephen Covey puts it in ‘7 Habits’: “Individuals may look at their own lives in terms of paradigms or maps emerging out of their experience and conditioning, these maps are not the territory. They are a ‘subjective reality’, only an attempt to describe the territory”. This is the reason most media celebs fail to read Gujarat.

Even Rajdeep Sardesai, who claims to be born in Ahmedabad, sees mutual fund hoardings dominating the streets in Ahmedabad. This is a lie. He sees what he wants to see and not reality. To my surprise the only media person to have really travelled across various parts of Gujarat and learned about the state and its people is Shekhar Gupta. Surprise, considering his main interest appears to be real estate in NCR. The fact that Gupta travelled widely comes across quite well in his last few articles about Gujarat and also his statements on TV on December 20 during discussions of the election results. Apart from roads, power and other experiences Gupta narrates the story of a widowed woman farmer, Kamalaben, around the Godhra area who is doing splendidly well on her own. She has managed irrigation, gets power, is an expert on cricket like all of us and catches up with the world on her TV. And she’s a traditional Congress supporter who acknowledges Narendra Modi’s work and may have voted differently this time. This is the ‘experience’ I narrated in ‘Gujarat – Breaking rules’; here’s an excerpt:

These people are reading newspapers… They are reading poll analysis… You know, like the ones by Rajdeep Sardesai, Yogendra Yadav, Prannoy Roy or India Today and many other pundits. They are also analysing the GDP figures of all the states, poverty figures of all states…. They sit around and analyse all the figures, manifestos, claims and other stuff put out by the govt and media before they decide who to vote for. No? Well, all that stuff is good for debates and policy making. Ordinary people know it in their gut. Whether the economy is good or bad, they know it in their gut. The same “experience” that draws them back to a restaurant or airline also draws them to a politician or makes them reject him. People feel good at visible development and experience it but they also vote based on the intangible, non-visible experience. The more connected a politician is the better the experience. Narendra Modi knows to connect.

Kamalaben, unlike Rahul Gandhi’s Kalawati, has a different experience. She feels development in her ‘gut’. Narendra Modi connects with her. So, on December 20 when the Gujarat election results started pouring in our TV panellists and anchors weren’t surprised but were hoping Modi’s run would somehow be dented with a lower-margin victory. Collectively, most channels and panellists put up the most pathetic display of their lives in election analysis. The few exceptions were the saving grace. Be it NDTV, CNN-IBN, Times Now, Headlines Today, ABPNews or any other Delhi channel. They simply disgraced themselves. Leading the disgrace, of course, was Barkha Dutt. As results started pouring in and early signs were slow for BJP she remarked “Modi is down but not out”. That is not analysis; that is hope in disguise. Hope that Modi would sink. And she had nothing but more queries for her guests on Muslims in Gujarat.

All the usual suspects were there. Yogendra Yadav was there too. He is still toying with his ‘idea of India’. Yadav and RahulG are similar. Yadav is inventing the ‘idea’ of India and RahulG has ‘no idea’ of India. And all the morons who pass off as anchors had very common questions. They wondered if Modi had built a ‘personality cult’. Umm… let’s see! Barkha, Arnab, Rajdeep (the lowest BAR in Indian TV journalism) woke up early in the morning.  They did their Agarbattis or Namaz and rushed to the studio. They hogged their TV channels from around 7am till 10pm in the night as if no one else exists in their channel. Rajdeep only let up for moments when his Dubiousity Editor, the Social Genius, filled in. And these morons are worried about personality cult? After having made their own channels a pathetic reflection of their pathetic personality, can they even ask this question about anyone on earth? They should listen to Michael Jackson’s “Man in the mirror” at least once a day and once before going to bed. And they all had the usual spinners, from Shabnam Hashmi, Swaminathan Aiyar right down to the Modi-infatuated Aakar Patel. Lately, with the Delhi Gangrape incident some are talking about ‘Chemical Castration’ of rapists. Maybe Aakar Patel could do with a similar chemical castration of his head for excessive obsession with one man.
 

Did we hear Gang-rape? Then we must be in Delhi. From the Shabbos to the Sonias, there is hardly any opponent of Modi who hasn’t wailed about the condition of women in Gujarat. A UN observer might hear them and imagine Gujarat is the worst place on earth for women. And yet, the most atrocities on women come from right under the noses of the GOI and Delhi govt headed by women. It’s on Barkha’s NDTV show that the Imam Bukhari called Shabana Azmi a “naachne waali, gaane wali” woman. A Congress moron, Sanjay Nirupam, repeated a similar offence by calling Smriti Irani a woman who “wiggled her body on TV for money” (translation from Hindi) on ABPNews on Dec.20. It was NDTV who refused to name and shame the Delhi politician who treated their reporter, Sunetra Chaudhary, to sexual innuendos. Take a look at the pic. It has people protesting the horrible gang-rape and near murder of a woman. How many such scenes have you seen from Gujarat? Then the police water-cannons protesters! How many such scenes have you seen from Gujarat? And there’s a small crowd celebrating Modi’s victory which is so offensive to his political and media opponents. The height of media hypocrisy is accepting a man who was indulging in sex in his office chambers in a court complex. The Congress may condone Abhishek Singhvi’s nonsense but is the media obliged to accept him as their guest? In all this, there hasn’t been one word from the Prime Minister on the Delhi rape incident.

Oh hell! Did we say Prime Minister? Now that’s a permanent obsession with our media, isn’t it? Modi is performing or doing things not because they deserve being done but he has PM ambitions. So, like I said in the post about ‘Breaking rules’, the media celebs go around asking every idiot they can find if Modi is fit to be PM. Barkha even drops her Congress garb and invokes the inclusive nature of ABVajpayee to make a point about Modi not being good enough for PM. Not everyone in India is obsessed with whether Modi becomes PM or not. But seriously, these discussions are being held when the PM of the country is a man who has never won a public election. Manmohan Singh is being called a puppet, a poodle and many names. I suppose in the eyes of our media MMS fits the bill as PM for the sole reason that he has no spine. In the context of MMS being “appointed” a PM it is even shameful for these media celebs to be discussing anyone else’s worthiness as PM candidate. Doesn’t matter!

When Mayawati won an election 5 years ago and later Obama won the presidency in the US, our media fanatics were quick to declare she could be the first Dalit PM in India. Not a bad thought but where is Mayawati now? Counting her elephants? So who fits the bill? Rahul Gandhi? The man who knows nothing about India? P. Chidambaram, the media’s darling? The man whose last election is in dispute in a court? AK Antony who, as Defence Minister, has the army in conflict with govt? Why so much worry and distress over who the opposition party’s PM candidate is when they can live with a poodle for a PM? The question of whether Modi is fit to be PM is not so much a question about Modi. It is the fears that lurk inside the media of having a PM who doesn’t give a damn about the media. Modi did not spend a single soiled rupee on the MSM-TV of Delhi in his election campaign. That’s a first in India. The unholy trinity of media can’t find the courage or honesty to admit that a NaMo is any day better as a PM than the trio of Sonia-Rahul-MMS. A trio who can’t string together one sentence without someone helping with them with a script. Sonia even reads her Hindi speeches from Roman scripts. Oh! Did you say Hindi?
 

There! Now the chronic LIARS like Barkha, Sagarika, Rajdeep and their mafia even have a problem with NaMo speaking in Hindi. Whoa! So when Modi addressed his supporters on December 20 in Hindi these bimbos were up in arms suggesting his choice of Hindi meant PM ambitions and he was “addressing Delhi”.  They joined the rank of Idionaire Renuka Chaudhary who asked the same question. Not only are these Idionaires, the new term for idiotic millionaires, chronic liars they are even pathetic at their deception. Here’s a short clip from Modi’s victory speech in December 2007 (Courtesy Deshgujarat.Com):

Well? What did he speak in? Italian? Modi has a history of often speaking in Hindi when he speaks in Ahmedabad. It is also probably because Modi knows that when he speaks in Ahmedabad there’s more national media focus at all times. Now what’s so new about that? Did our media morons forget the Sadbhavna Mission in September 2011? Here’s Modi’s speech on Youtube at the Sadbhavna gathering. Again, what language did he speak in? The language of deception that Barkha and Sagarika use? So what was special about his victory speech on December 20 in Hindi? Nothing! But as with all the other lies about Modi, our media just invented one more.

The media, like Modi’s political opponents, wanted him to lose. Didn’t happen! Sorry, buy yourself another beer at Congress’ expense. Nobody described the media’s feeling than their darling Chidambaram himself. Like a clown he said “we have restricted Modi to under 117 so it’s a Congress victory”. Well, the media would have liked a result even better but the Gujjus didn’t oblige. Two strong NDTV features, Shekhar Gupta and Dushyant Dave, finally accepted that there is a big difference in the way Gujarat is managed and that Narendra Modi does make a difference to the state’s governance. In the end Barkha, Rajdeep and his Dubiousity Editor (She’s funnily designated as Deputy editor) maybe the only ones living in permanent hatred, prejudice and bigotry. Their hatred runs so deep that they let their hatred for Modi get transferred to Gujarat and Gujjus even.

Christians say grace before every meal or thanksgiving. It’s a good practice to thank the Lord for what he gives. They also use the poem ‘Amazing grace’ containing a message that forgiveness and redemption are possible regardless of sins committed for funerals of the dearly departed. That even dead people receive God’s mercy and forgiveness. For some of the criminals in our media whose integrity and conscience is dead I doubt a poem of grace can be written. If they don’t change, someone someday may write the song ‘Amazing Disgrace’ in dishonour of their deeds.  

You Win, You Win... You Lose, You Still Win..

This is a good time for media folks to remember the Romans (Ashutosh of IBN calls them “Romany”). The Romans repeatedly lost their battles to the Gauls but took the defeats in their stride. There are many of our friends in the media who may need psychological counselling tonight; they may be going through the Pakistani syndrome of forever losing battles and wars. Rajdeep Sardesai, Barkha Dutt, Sagarika Ghose, Shekhar Gupta, Dileep Padgaonkar, Aakar Patel, S. Vardarajan, Ashutosh, Nikhil Wagle, Malini P and all their fellow campaigners in the media need to be complimented for their brave campaign against Narendra Modi. Then there are other foot soldiers like Shabnam Hashmi, Mallika Sarabhai, Javed Anand, Sanjiv Bhatt, and it’s time to say Hasta La Teesta to them. Politicians don’t have much of a problem with losing elections and deal with it quite well. They are used to it and always have their reasons ready.

The first rule to remember in a battle is the advice that Joey La Motta gives his brother in the landmark movie “Raging Bull”. Jake La Motta is up for another shot at the world title and is constantly worried about his weight but won’t stop eating. You know, sort of the Barkhas and Sagarikas who can’t stop eating while they campaign. Barkha goes even further, doing most of her campaigning from restaurants like ‘Agashiye’ or ‘Vishalla’ in Ahmedabad. Barkha seems to like Vishalla because it’s close to her only campaign spot ‘Juhapura’, which is a Muslim ghetto in Ahmedabad. See? Mention these two ladies and one can’t help getting distracted. Where were we? Oh yes, here’s Joey’s exemplary to advice to his tough, raging, boxer brother Jake:

“If you win, you win... If you lose, you still win”.

Hear the audio of that brilliant piece of wisdom from Joey La Motta at Hark. That’s the spirit to show. Life goes on! And none of the media folks are losers anyway. They and their channels have made a huge pile of money in their feverish campaigns all these years. Some of them are even known to have become “abnormally affluent” and known to own real estate beyond their known sources of income. But still, an election loss is a loss in public and needs to be dealt with. If it were Robert Vadra, we could have dismissed it as “private loss”. All the Queen’s poodles may definitely go for a ‘make-over’, new hairstyles, new wardrobes but it’s their hearts and minds that need more healing. I had actually thought of 5 ways but there’s Tim Milburn who has come up with 7 in his article “When You Lose An Election”. I will use just 6 of his 7. He has the experience too. So what we’ll do is just rephrase his 7 ways to deal with the loss and help the limousine chauffeurs recover.  

Even though you lost an election, you’re not a loser. Hold your head up; frown but smile. Respond like vindictive pricks. Don’t blame anything or anyone other than communal and polarised Gujjus who don’t understand the concept of secularism at all. Everyone who desires to be in media’s lie-mongering, fake opinion polls and conduct a campaign of calumny will lose out to someone else at some point. Yep! Like Rajdeep and Barkha lost out to Arnab on TRPs. 

Take some time right now to thank those who helped you. Whether they made posters for your campaign or helped spread the word, make sure you thank them. Like those who gave you Blackberrys or Iphones. They’re feeling bad as well (they wanted you to win). Your positive and encouraging words to them will restore their confidence. Do remember all those Hotels that gave you special discounts because you’re a media celeb. Remember all those restaurants who gave you free lunches and dinners just to have their pic taken with you.  

Congratulate the person who won. Huh? NEVER! When it comes to Gujarat, never ever congratulate that man. No matter what people say, no matter how the people vote, that man is not to be congratulated. Find all the excuses and reasons how victory was handed to him and he DID NOT win it. This may be difficult but it is absolutely the right thing to do. 

Reflect on the campaign. The best thing you can do with a failed campaign is to learn from it. Nothing! As with the last decade media folks will keep losing elections and learn nothing. What will you do different next time? Make sure you do all you can to ensure he is not a PM candidate and make a mild concession. Instead of State leader, call him a ‘Regional leader’ at best. Who do you need to bring on board? Think of Shabnam, Teesta, Mallika… Umm.. maybe even Suzy Roy?  

Gather yourself. You will experience a whirlwind of emotion. Take the time to regroup and find your emotional center. You entered the campaign or process with a clear understanding that you are going to lose. You only hoped and prayed it somehow didn’t happen. It did! Talk to princes and princesses. Immerse yourself in something else; like public anger against some cause. Find a sense of imbalance in the way your loss is reported.  

Begin to formulate a new plan. Like I said above, when you lose an election the only thing that really changes is your plans.  You don’t need to change your life, you just need to change your plan.  Start looking at your options. Now it’s time to start thinking about what’s next. Think of your campaign for 2014 and how the prince is your candidate for PM. Think of how to “Evolve” him.  

There! That’s not all that hard to do is it? History has it than when India toured Pakistan after a very long gap for the first time in 1978 under BishenSingh Bedi. After the series, which Pakistan convincingly won, Mushtaq Mohammad the Pak Captain thanked “All his Muslim brothers across the world for their victory”. I must caution Barkha and Sagarika not to thank them for their losses. When asked which two players Bedi would like to pick from Pakistan for his side, he replied “Your two umpires”. Maybe in 2014 our media crooks might like to thank the umpires again. Till then…