Three Idiots In Ahmedabad

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. - Mark Twain.

Sure, Mark Twain meant the American Congress, the equivalent of parliament but then I’m learning to spin and in our context I’m also starting to think he meant India’s Congress party. It’s because I can’t think of anything else to describe why three idiots from the Congress landed in Ahmedabad on June 13, 2012. P. Chidambaram, Salman Khurshid and Ambika Soni landed in Ahmedabad (Gujarat) supposedly to boast of the UPA’s achievements in the last 8 years. The other undisclosed agenda was to challenge the achievements of Gujarat under Narendra Modi. They came too soon! Elections are still some months away.

And then talk about bad luck and bad timing. On a day when some of the national media too landed up in Ahmedabad the main story on all news channels was that of the Presidential election circus. Who screwed them? It was one of their own alliance team – Mamata Banerjee and Mulayam Singh, who snubbed Sonia Gandhi with their choices for President. That’s for the politics bit. The three wise kings were not about to talk to their subjects in Gujarat but to their ‘Inner-wheel’ club called the media.

Ambika Soni, the I&B minister, who is known to arm-twist media outlets (according to Aditya Sinha of DNA) made it abundantly clear to the folks in the theatre: “Ask the questions you were supposed to ask”. Of course, that’s like parents of students telling teachers to stick to the syllabus. So here are some highlights:

Salman Khurshid was unexpectedly asked about the Supreme Court refusal to stay the sub-quota for muslims which was earlier struck down by the Andhra High Court, which SK had earlier made an election bomb in UP, which was earlier criticised all around, which was earlier…. This was the Law Minister’s response: "Vacation benches tend to be conservative. We thought we will get relief but it did not happen. It happens at times... when the court reopens it will go to the regular bench where the matter will be heard before we get a final answer”. Oh okay, so vacation benches are conservative. I wonder what regular benches of SC would be like – Fascists or Secularists? So now you know when to go to the SC and what kind of bench for the verdict you want.

When a reporter persisted with his question on Gujarat’s development it was left to P. Chidambaram to answer. PC accepted the Gujarat development story but wanted to let the world know that the Centre had provided great help for the cause. What he doesn’t mention though is that much of the Centre’s resources to Gujarat comes from its own contributions and do not amount to doles given out to some other states. Read more at DeshGujarat.

And Ambika Soni had only one thing to talk about – Malnutrition. That malnutrition in Gujarat was higher than the national average. Point made. But she forgot to mention what Gujarat was doing about it. Worse, she forgot to mention what the Centre was doing about it. In a speech in Mumbai recently Narendra Modi had pointed out that the PM’s three year report about UPA-2 didn’t have any mention of malnutrition in women and children although he considered it a ‘national shame’. Jainarayan Vyas, minister in Gujarat, has challenged the figures quoted by Soni but malnutrition is hardly a matter of numbers game. Whether in Gujarat or the country it is a shame indeed.

Now, you would have thought that after the grand show of the three kings in Ahmedabad the front pages of Ahmedabad would be flooded with the blast they had. Well, instead the Times of India front page story today, the day after, is “It’s advantage Modi in Gujarat’s Kurukushetra”. That says a lot for the lightning media campaign of the three idiots. Worse, the TOI Ahmedabad edition doesn’t have a single word of this press meet on its front page.

Reminds me of the question the teacher asked the class: “Who were the three kings who brought peace and happiness....?” A thoughtful little Johny responded: “Smo-King, Drin-King and F**-King”.  I don’t know what the three idiots or their party smoke or drink but I would certainly hope they get to their jobs seriously and stop ‘F**king’ Gujarat and the nation.

Ramachandra Guha – ‘Eminent Distortian’on Ahmedabad

If ever Chris Nolan needed to make ‘Inception-II’ no one could be more handy than Ramachandra Guha. Planting of spurious theories and dreams, Guha excels at it. He passes himself off as a historian and a cricket commentator. Hmmm! ‘Distortian’ may not be a word you’ll find in a dictionary but that is what Guha and his ilk are. Distort facts, distort truth, write history from figments of imagination and see ‘windmills’ where there are none. Paint places and people in colours that thrive only in the most prejudiced of minds, sometimes bordering on hatred. (Read my post ‘Ramachandra Guha’s Paintings’).

Ramachandra Guha - 'Eminent Distortian'

As a school kid you may have written essays on your trips. My trip to the zoo, my first trip to the railway station or even my first visit to an airport. Ramachandra Guha has now written an essay on his visit to Ahmedabad, probably the 21^st one. Well, it starts off with a few words on Ahmedabad and then as usual with the Distortians it degenerates into a rant about Narendra Modi. It’s called  ‘Delusions of grandeur - The curious transformation of Narendra Modi’ in the Telegraph. Delusions? Oh yeah! We’ll find out who’s deluded. Here are some excerpts from the distortian’s write:

“Ahmedabad is a city I know well. I must have made at least 20 trips there in the last 30 years. Going back last month, I found signs marking the distance to a certain ‘Mahatma Mandir’..... What was this landmark that I had not heard of and which was apparently so important that it had to be advertised every so often on city roads? My Amdavadi friends supplied the answer.....The first major building had been completed in time for the ‘Vibrant Gujarat’ summit held in early January; .....In this time, Modi has made a sort of reverse journey, from being a media-shy if hard-working Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh pracharak to the most self-confident and publicity-seeking of modern politicians. Viewing his position today, I am reminded of the one occasion, some 12 years ago, when I found myself in the same room as him. It was in a television studio in New Delhi, which was hosting a debate between Madhavrao Scindia of the Congress, Pramod Mahajan of the BJP, and myself (representing no party at all)....Now, of course, Modi is arrogance personified.....Narendra Modi may wish to compare himself to Mahatma Gandhi, but to this historian, he is more akin to another Gandhi, namely, Indira.....Between 1971 and 1977, Indira thought she was India, and vice versa. Modi merely thinks he is Gujarat.......Neither Mrs Gandhi then, nor Modi now, can allow that their critics may have a honest or valid point or two. By definition, all patriotic Indians had to be behind Mrs Gandhi, all Gujaratis (100 to 0) have to rally around Modi. The mandir being built 37.9 km from the hotel where I stayed in Ahmedabad is a monument not to Mahatma Gandhi, but to Narendra Modi’s megalomania....... Here is a tip to first-time visitors to Ahmedabad. If you go in search of the Mahatma, disregard the blue signs, and ask an autorickshaw to take you to the Sabarmati Ashram instead. The experience shall be nourishing, perhaps even transformative. For one thing, unlike that “mandir”, this ashram is on the human scale, with low, modest buildings and green trees around them. For another, there are no policemen either inside or outside the place. For a third, Gandhi actually lived there”.

I recommend you read the whole crap at the Telegraph so you know what this distortian is talking about. What starts off as a write on a trip to Ahmedabad turns into a deliberate and manufactured nonsense about Narendra Modi. Let’s see what Ahmedabad holds and I can confidently tell Ramchandra the spiteful that I’ve been to Ahmedabad a lot more than he ever will in his life. Here are some questions for the distortian:

1.   From your drive from the airport or railway station to your hotel, how many times did the traffic hold you up? Wherever you travelled in Ahmedabad or Gujarat did you find plenty of potholes on the roads? Was your drive smooth or was it bumpy? Did you discover that?

2.   How many beggars did you find in Ahmedabad during your stay? That’s right, how many beggars? Did they bother you all the time you commuted the streets of Ahmedabad? Unlike your communist states Gujarat does not breed beggars, no self-respecting Gujarati will ever beg. Did you discover that Mr.Distortian?

3.   How many times did the power go off in the hotel you stayed in? Did you see any UPS equipment or any generators asshole? Did you stay in comfort in your hotel with the power never going off? Gujarat is probably one state where generators don’t sell much except in case of emergency services. Did you discover that?

4.   Any average media man or so-called historian who follows the news knows about ‘Vibrant Gujarat’ and the Mahatma Mandir. Are you so dumb, ignorant and uninformed that you knew nothing about the event or the name of the place where it was being held? Are most of your writings laced with such ignorance of basic information about major events in this country? I feel confident that is how you write history too, with a jaundiced mind.

5.   In Ahmedabad, did you notice the BRTS (Bus rapid transport system) on the wide roads where good quality public buses run uninterrupted? Did you?

6.   Finally, since when did you become a shrink? You have diagnosed Modi as suffering from megalomania. What evil prejudices are you suffering from Mr. Distortian? So much that you made Ahmedabad all about Modi and nothing else! And all the other Gujaratis and other citizens are stupid puppets?

I choose not to make any comments about the nonsense Guha has written about Narendra Modi because it’s not worth it. However, imagine I had made a trip to New York sometime back and was writing about the place and my whole piece is dedicated to the sexual orientations of Rudi Guiliani. That’s how Ramachandra Guha has used his trip. He went to Ahmedabad for some purpose but the evil mind was so obsessed with Narendra Modi that he had to turn his trip into a rant against Modi. So much so that he could not see anything else about Ahmedabad and Gujarat that most visitors take back with them.

In implying ‘Modi is Gujarat and Gujarat is Modi’ like the sycophants of Indira Gandhi used to say about India, Ramachandra Guha chooses to insult the very intelligence of Gujaratis. Nobody in Ahmedabad or Gujarat puts Modi over the state. People respect him for his work, that’s all! It is Ramachandra Guha who has chosen to see Gujarat and Gujaratis through his evil obsession with Narendra Modi. Most of all Mr. Distortian, next time you go to a place, go to discover and not go with prejudices. If you want to write crap about Narendra Modi you don’t have to visit Ahmedabad, you can do that from a laptop anywhere. Which is what most of your likes do, don’t they?